The spider essence of woman has visited me. It could be that she is here to stay.
I admire her. erotic, venomous, clever.
Hidden in the dark.
Crafty like a hand.
In dreams, she is the manipulator.
The one who makes graves from silk.
A vulgarity to exterminate
Seduction- Slyness -Intelligence- are these so ugly?
Wrap them in fear to make them so.
January Thought Salad

January brings
Bones
Diners
Imaginary Grass
Orange fruit flattened. squeezed that it becomes lumpy sugar water. or in my memory, painted on wood.
Inside and outside, Frida Kahlo looking cool with a cigarette between her lips.
The double helix as metaphor
Dragons, but smaller than expected
know your chicken but don't eat too much.
Ballerina feet
Hagsploitation
*What this is not: an advertisement. acid jazz. satire. clues for the NY Times crossword.
The Kind of Love Your Mother Felt
Time will bury girls and boys
paint their minds
then blow
away
I was bright– and you were new
I was a poem yesterday
Now
cut my skin– or kiss my mouth,
The notes I sing are always
gray.—and every time you look at me
My eyes
are nothing much
the bitter kiss
of compromise
stained your lips
and stole your voice
you’re a stranger.
I’m a ghost.
and i can’t reach
through all your noise
I’d float through all our clouds of smoke
—that’s if I felt I had a choice
but
Every morning, I feel older
dark nights crawl,
and
warm days race
–you’re so black and I’m too blue
our bed
is such a lonely place.
Every day we wake up dry
in fields too brown for rain to save
we’ll
–sleep in weeds until we die
yes,
–sleep in weeds until we die
-Angelisa Miranda
All Warriors Have Scars
A scar is yesterday. It is the corpse of a memory too sharp to be forgotten. And Zanthia’s body was a graveyard.
Her olive face, handsome yet delicate, bore a slash from her brother’s axe. Arms, back, and legs too were cloaked in tough mutilated flesh that told of her bravery, her loyalty, her glory and not least of all, her suffering.
The bullet wounds were new and the sight of them still struck her with a cold pain. Six of them, potted into her shoulders and her thighs like bubbling heaps of melted wax.
She had traveled on for some time, hoping that the marks would heal. Regarding them as healthy, living tissue in a brief phase of ill, but skin is never the same after it is broken. It cannot feel. Instead, it sits flaccid, trying hard to imitate the smooth rosy shade of life. A tombstone in a garden of blooming nerves.
She remembered the Elven sorcerer, Elanil. Her delicate features, her piercing blue eyes, the sound of her screams as the wraiths drained her magic the day that Voshla turned against them. There had been too many men on the battlefield that afternoon. Zanthia could not protect her. She could not save her. How foolish she had been to believe she had found a new family.
But, where would she go now that she had seen the limits of her power and the cowardice of her companion? For the time being, the innkeeper Arkurius Tillman had offered her room and board in exchange for security. As it were, there had been nothing to do but drink and remember how her heart had betrayed her; today was no different. Zanthia planted herself in a corner of the tavern and watched as the patrons stumbled through.
After her third ale, she noticed a pink-haired gnome bard at the far end of the bar, her large eyes staring intently, awaiting Zanthia’s permission. The moment their gazes locked, the gnome smiled widely, and started toward her with a swift and clumsy walk. Getting into the tall bar stool was a struggle for a creature with such short stocky limbs, but Zanthia held back her laughter.
The gnome extended her hand. Angie was her name and she seemed insistent on getting acquainted. She lifted her hand to the barkeep, signaling for two ales and turned her attention back to Zanthia, who dismissed her coldly:
“Return to your bardic songs, gnome. I wish to drink alone,” she said.
The gnome offered a knowing look and after bracing herself, she continued with both caution and sincerity: “I will leave if that is what you wish, but I have been watching you and you must know that we are not so different. I come here for a reason. I understand what it is like to be the only one of my kind, to fail the ones I love, to drink until I am a stranger to myself.”
Zanthia did not react well to the possession of forbidden knowledge. This creature was a danger to her. She readied her great sword for a swift decapitation. Angie raised her hand slowly and spoke with authority. A cool light emanated from her center: “Do not fear me, Zanthia. I come as your guide and creator, brought to you by ally not foe. Destroying me will mean a more final end than you could imagine.”
Zanthia pressed her blade against Angie’s neck firmly enough to draw a single drop of blood. Through gritted teeth, she spit a threat, “Tell me now, who wishes to enchant me and I promise to make your death a painless one.”
Angie’s eyes grew large, but she was not afraid. In this moment, a gentle warmth breathed into Zanthia and she knew the scars on Angie’s spirit as she knew her own– A dead father. A mother driven insane by neglect and abuse. A childhood steeped in loneliness and isolation.—She was reminded of herself, had time been less violent, but equally painful. Just then, Zanthia spotted a pale blue pendant of summoning against Angie’s breast; there had only been one in all of Golarian, and it had belonged to Elanil.
She paused and lowered her sword. And then with broken hope she pleaded, “ Gnome. You are sent here by the great Elven sorcerer, Elanil. Speak the truth; does she survive? Has she sent for my help?”
Angie’s face sagged into a frown. She looked into her ale and imagined drinking it down. She thought of all the deaths it could help her forget, and she wondered if it was more painful to know or to remember. She spoke once more, hoping that this time, she would be heard:
“ We can never be assured of a happier future, and I know all too well that no magic can bring your family back. But know that Elanil is within you, and for as long as you live, those who meet you, will also be meeting her.
It is true you could not save her, but if you accept it, she can still save you.”
Angie slid off her chair and onto her feet. She approached Zanthia carefully and they embraced. An icy wind enveloped her and she remembered the sound of Elanil’s heartbeat. Her eyes opened and Angie was gone, the ornate pendant left where she had stood.
Zanthia wandered out into the street, her great sword sheathed on her back. Somehow the deformed lumps upon her body seemed different; they reminded her of who she was, of what she had overcome.
All warriors have scars; Zanthia would not make the mistake of living in the pain of them. Morning was the best time to travel, but the sun was setting now. She jumped onto her horse and began to ride.
She did not know where she was going.
The Walls We Are Inside

For the man who doesn’t need me,
I am a million wanting hands growing from stones
too hard
and impenetrable to sprout
anything at all.
Against me, an ocean.
–cold.
–grey.
It is a mirror
unconcerned with the self I want to see
–always
I am facing the wrong direction
and so is he.
Sometimes,
I am an open mouth
wrinkling for lack of moisture and he is the whale’s tail
fanning warm, salty air against my tongue.
It is then, that wet and dry are the same to a wanting body
and survival
is in a difference I refuse to know.
If only I could sink beneath the water
where his eyes are.
Would I know him then?
-Angie Hoover
Art: Goodbye by Michael Harford
That Kind of Girl
That mouth hanging open
-dripping
like a soiled dish rag–
–she is porn
–she is titilation
she is the repulsion that
comes afterward
with green fingernails and wet, dying eyes.
Sweet, cherry nipples
stuck on Tender breasts
She’s here
for you
sweaty–
greasy–
limp with filth.
salty fingers on her tongue
she wakes
alive again but at the bottom
–where hell is
defile her-
Life says its safe to make her stink
to make her cry
She’s made for this.
On a good day
she feels numb
cause
She knows how
To be
A thing with no center
There, but not really.
a rusty red husk
drying
in a shadow
by Angie Hoover-Hillhouse
Artwork by Keith P. Rein & Cassidy Rae Limbach
When She Waves
For Hellos and
goodbyes
my hands are
brittle sticks
stiffened by the forceful elements
raised up as if ready to punish the space
between us
with a strike.
unable to grasp–
They are unable —
to feel
to hold
Affection slides off of them.
and
sharing is lost.
Whether coming
or going
they wag.
wag.
wag.
Hi There.
Hi there,
whoever you are.
“Her Wave” by Angie Hoover Hillhouse
Artwork: Shadows by Bird Heart
The Silenced Wound
A scar
is yesterday
It doesn’t stab through lonely bones
or bite at freckled wrists.
It only
sits–
flacid.
— The corpse of a memory
that I have
forgotten.
Callous and benign
in a garden of blooming nerves–
Trying hard to imitate
the rosy shades
of life being felt.
But still-
it does not fit
Still
it does not See
that
it is not the same
and it
can never be—
“The Scar” by Angie Hoover-Hillhouse
Artwork: The Rising Sun by Peter Campbell





