Conversations with The Nerd Guru: Dealing with Anxiety and Anger
ANGIE: Can you pinpoint where your social anxiety comes from.. if there is such a place?
MITCH: my social anxiety comes from me feeling like a freak.
ANGIE: That sounds simple enough. but it isn’t. at all.
MITCH: I see other people. normal people. couples in the mall, people walking along smiling. I see the disconnect between them and myself. I realize how impossibly hard it is for me to simply feel happy and I spiral.
ANGIE: hmm.. I just assume that everyone is secretly anxious and depressed and in denial about it. Is that worse?
MITCH: everyone has issues… doesn’t mean that people need to walk around looking blissful… fucking assholes
ANGIE: how do you feel about taking medication ?
MITCH: i have no issues with my medication when I am on it. When I am on the pills I can function… I’m not always happy but happiness is an option.
ANGIE: Do you go to therapy too?
MITCH: Therapy… is like a D&D group. It works great if you get a connection with the people involved… if there is no chemistry then it’s awkward and forced.
ANGIE: I have only ever had old jewish therapists who ask me about my mother incessantly. then I stop going to them.
ANGIE: I try so hard to understand everyone that I can’t even feel when I’m angry anymore.
MITCH: anger is addictive! chemically in your brain. even though it’s a negative emotion it feels good to act on it although you generally feel bad afterwards because you are coming down from a high… so hurting people due to anger…. there is a reason and people… hate groups, bigots… they are junkies. i know it seems weird but… it relieves me… these people have become addicted to hate and they keep returning to it because it makes them feel good and not because they necessarily believe it… it makes the world a little less bleak and a bit more rational in my eyes
ANGIE: That makes me feel more like a person.
MITCH: it is something that helps me… when I am getting angry constantly at a group… or when I see others(especially politcal) constantly digging at each other… I can understand it more because i understand them better… it’s not about hate it’s about lack of self control and an attempt to make yourself feel better…. and I think we all understand that.